We feel closer to those we help, so asking to borrow something, even when you don’t need it, is a completely legitimate way to flirt. In fact, it might be cuter and more effective when what you’re asking for is completely, blatantly inessential. The adorable girl in the apartment across from yours knows full well that you don’t have idea one about what to do with her cumin, but you should go ahead and confidently request it anyway. The signals will be clear.
Another one from the mailbag:
Reblogging every post on someone’s Tumblr would seem to be flirting at first blush, but that kind of excess crosses the line into semi-creepy obsession. A much better way to show you’re paying attention would be to reblog only the posts you find sweet, poignant, or particularly funny.
Yes, we know our readers are a discerning bunch, and we’re sure everything on your crush’s blog impresses you, but please restrain yourself and try to pick a handful of things you can connect over. If you manage to hit the ones he’s particularly proud of, all the better. Reblogging everything is effectively reblogging nothing.
Are you flirting? We’d be happy to tell you. Send conundra from your adorable lives to firstname.lastname@example.org or amiflirting.com/submit.
From the mailbag.
Am I flirting if I email my friend’s brother without mentioning it to my friend? Does this mean that I must be flirting because if I wasn’t I would have told my friend? Or can it be innocent? I mean, I AM trying to flirt but maybe I am picking up the wrong signals; so if it’s not necessarily flirting I can pretend it was never a flirtation in the first place!
Without knowing what’s in those emails, AIF? faces a classic Schrödinger’s Cat scenario. This, of course, is the famous paradox which begins with a cat trapped in a box with an atom that could decay, setting off a deadly chain reaction. Until we can open the box and settle the question by direct observation, the cat’s life-or-death situation is blurred, and we can say that it’s both alive and dead.
What we have here, then, is Schrödinger’s Flirt. Unless we were to open the email in question, we’d have to assume that — given the potential for flirtation implied by writing to us at all — Beanie is simultaneously flirting and not-flirting. Although we appear to have arrived at a technically correct answer to this dilemma, we’ve also focused on the wrong question.
Come on, you don’t want to know whether you’re flirting! You’ve straight-up admitted that you want this dude to feel the gentle brain-caress of your coquettish ladywords. You want to know whether that’s ok, even though your friend might find your ambition to yummy down on his or her sibling kind of awkward. It might not hurt to drop a pretty obvious hint to your friend, leaving the email out of it, just to see where things stand.
Considering that you’ve already hit send, we can’t help you with the whole “going back in time to gather more information (and maybe ride hoverboards)” thing, but it’s not too late to figure things out before you take it any further. A few (mostly) innocent emails shouldn’t bust up any friendship worth having.
Would you like Am I Flirting? to lead your dating life frightfully astray? Email email@example.com (we won’t tell anyone’s brother) or go to amiflirting.com/submit.
There’s nothing Am I Flirting? dislikes more than a guy with a gimmick. If you approach girls with a deck of cards and a cheesy twinkle in your eye, you had better be on the World Series of Poker. Otherwise, you’re basically asking, “Was your card the King of I Really Want to Have Sex With You Tonight?”
It’s an excuse to duck out of any actual conversation or establish any meaningful connection. Even your eye contact is intended to misdirect. This certainly does not rev our motors. Perhaps instead of hiding behind props, you could introduce yourself and look her in the eye without any surreptitious sleight of hand. That’s where really good flirting begins.
If you’re chatting up a gorgeous girl with conspicuous tattoos, she probably wants you to offer your opinion, right? No, gentle sir. Kindly slow your roll.
It’s easy to see the appeal of someone who’s turned her body into a work of art, but the coffee shop, the bus stop, and the library are not art galleries. Her extravagant tattoos are not on display for your enjoyment. You may think you’re flirting by asking her what her ink means, but you’re wrong. It’s a tattoo, not an “ask me about … ” nametag. Try making a little conversation, for crying out loud, before you jump right in and start talking to her about something that could have deep personal significance.
Certainly, offering any sort of critical appraisal would be tactless. It would be a terrible idea, to, for example, tell her that she paid her artist too much. (You know how we feel about the “neg.”) On the other hand, if you’ve developed enough of a rapport, it might not hurt to ask her if she has any tattoos you can’t see. If you’re not a pushy douchebag about it, maybe she’ll oblige.
Hi, AIFers. Flirters. Cads and minxes. What the hell, right? What are these words on this screen? AN UPDATE. It’s all I could get out, what with how split up my head is (ed. by me to add: ours, we’re both a mess here). Summer romance, you know? And that means one thing: blog silence. Because there’s no safe little video, or song, or even “topical” link to a medium-sized online publication we can share without wondering if someone, somewhere (it’s always one or two someones) thinks it was meant JUST FOR THEM.
We’ll do our best to push through it.
Because when it gets like this?
It always will be.
This is our first question from the new submission page at amiflirting.com/submit. (Ooh, submission! We’ll save that for another post.) Thanks, anonymous reader! By all means, keep the questions coming.
We have to start by resolving some ambiguity here, because the answer to the question depends on what you mean by “every week,” and how far out of your normal routine these weekly stops really are. If you’re a vegetarian who shows up at the local burger joint once a week on Saturdays to drink water and make eyes at the fry cook, you’re definitely flirting. If you’re getting your teeth cleaned three times a week because you enjoy being eye-level with your dental hygienist’s package, you may have come to the wrong blog. I think you’re looking for “Am I Stalking?”
It’s good that you’re attempting to start a conversation, but it’s difficult to determine whether you’re flirting if we don’t know the content of what you’re saying. If you send your clothes out every week so you can ask the cute guy at the cleaners what he’s doing after work, you’re flirting. If you’re a regular somewhere, and you’re just making the kind of conversation regulars make (“Oh, there’s something new on the menu, and you put in a bigger TV. When did that happen?”), then you’re probably not.
You can flirt with the space between your knees and ankles. Maybe you can’t help from tapping your foot so close because you just really like the song. And the next. And the next. If you find yourself not wanting to resettle in your seat for fear that pulling your leg back towards you may seem like a No, not tonight, you are flirting.
This is certainly a grey area in the flirting milieu. As a friend who recently sent me a picture of her ass pointed out, even boys have them. You’re not seeing anything you couldn’t already see in your bedroom with the right mirrors.
I must differ with her on this issue, refined as her opinion may be. Although the booty barely cracks (snicker) the usual list of the top three parts a lustful gentleman wishes would appear spontaneously on the display of his mobile phone, it’s an alluring asset that you don’t generally show off in its entirety on a trip to the corner store. Even at a bar, you’re likely to reveal a half-ass at most.
Therefore, unless you’re asking an established platonic friend to evaluate the character and fitness of your derriere, you might as well be calling 1-900-Mix-a-Lot … because you, my friend, are kicking them nasty thoughts.
Send questions, flirts, spontaneous booty shots, and other correspondence to amiflirting (at) gmail (dot) com.