“ It’s sort of an unspoken thing, something a friend should pick up on. My female friends have done the same for me when I missed the attentions of my wife when one of us was away. A dab of tenderness or interest is all that’s needed; my older lady friends in particular seem to appreciate this. I don’t do it out of pity—they’re big girls, after all. I do it because they’re worth pleasing.
Lord Whimsy on flirting
Am I flirting?
31. If I tickle her and accidentally leave bruises, because she bruises like a peach?
More reader questions! We’re delighted to see so many of these, lately. Please keep them coming at amiflirting@gmail.com.
Tickling is a classic and fun kind of flirting, as long as you know the tickle-ee well enough to make sure they don’t absolutely loathe being tickled. Some people are going to find this really annoying, even if you do it with the best intentions. Those people are also some of the most fun to tickle … because you’re just doing it to get a reaction, right? Anyway, try to resist the impulse until you find someone who sufficiently appreciates it.
Whether you accidentally leave bruises isn’t really relevant to whether you’re flirting, unless you’re bruising someone who totally gets off on that. That might be a completely different question, though, so we’ll just answer the one you asked: you’re flirting. Not because you tickled her, or because she bruised, but because you noticed that she “bruises like a peach.” That doesn’t seem like the kind of observation you would make about someone you’re not flirting with.
30. If we make up a ridiculous company and keep the joke going?
Mailbag, mailbag! A reader writes:
Starting up a company takes a lot of effort and a high tolerance for stress and many other respectable traits like (probably/hopefully) creativity. Starting a hypothetical one doesn’t but we still get to act like we did all that hard work and talk like we’re brilliant. Over the course of a conversation with a very cute girl we created our own hypothetical company and lived out our rapid rise to leg trafficking and bottled hiccup peddling ascendancy.If you’re feeling brilliant, you’re flirting. At least you’d like to hope so. All the best flirting should have that spark in it: a dash of amour fou, inspired mad chatting. It’s more Jazz Age c. 1921 & “The Future” — “darling, how might we take over the world?” — than Silicon Valley in the crashing-down days of 2009. I won’t hazard a guess as to where you’re writing from, but psycho-historically, I’ll say it’s more romantic than anything that might lead to Serious Business. Let us know how it goes, if you take your Series A or make out in the back of a train car, etc. And yes, it is flirting. And good flirting: it looks like your intentions with this “very cute girl” weren’t just to show-off, but to show-off together.
29. If I throw a snowball at her?
If you’re stuck in frozen climes this month, you’ve probably run across the delicious opportunity to strike a pretty girl with a perfectly-formed, perfectly-aimed snowball. So what’s the deal with this delightful juvenilia? It was flirting in third grade, but now you have an apartment and maybe a car or something. Isn’t it just mean and immature?
The proof of the snowball is in the throwing, amigo. If you’re hoping that your target has a sense of humor and the inclination to play along and fight back, you’re flirting. If you’re just lobbing freezystuff at unsuspecting women for shits and giggles, we can’t help you. So, in the spirit of the season, let some well-intentioned powdery projectiles fly like silly Cupidian arrows. Just be a good sport when she gets you back, right in the ear.
28. If my nostrils flare?
According to this fantastic Achewood strip, YES.27. If I Laugh At All His Gay Jokes?
Hey, more reader mail! If you have a question you’d like us to answer, put it in an email, lick it, and address it to amiflirting@gmail.com.
Before we answer this question, we should be clear that we’re not talking about ignorant gay-bashing “humor” here. We’re talking about charming gay boys making charming jokes about being gay, and the other boys who love them.
If something’s really funny, laughing at it isn’t necessarily flirting. Am I flirting with Eddie Izzard if I laugh at every phrase that spews forth from his glorious mouth? Maybe that’s a bad example. The point is that having a sense of humor, while certainly attractive, doesn’t automatically make you flirty.
If his gay jokes are all terrible, but you laugh anyway just to indulge him, you are probably flirting. If you wish he would stop with the ridiculous jokes so you wouldn’t have to laugh convincingly at them, and wonder why he doesn’t just cut the crap and take you right then and there … yeah, you’re flirting. When you’re laughing sincerely, it could go either way. But if you’re laughing sincerely, why aren’t you flirting? Everyone knows that hilarious people are all A+ lovers.
26. If after offering to fix your busted Wordpress template, I still couldn’t, but you know, you said that was okay and kept talking to me?
A wise lady explaining the vagaries of internet courtship supports the practice of another experienced lad who’s been refining the provision of “the internet boyfriend experience” — it’s the small favors, elevated to improbably perfect common bonds, that make for flirting.
So of course she could have looked up the answer you gave her in the Wordpess Codex herself. But that’s not what matters. What makes it a well-played attention-giving gesture is that you did the legwork, you followed up to see if it worked. It’s that consistency, even in the least consequential of things, that give flirting some power.
Besides, the better her blog works, the more opportunity you have to idly email her about what she writes, like every post were the most important thing on earth, that only you understand, and what a mad world it is that brought you together, despite distance and botched-up plugins, to enjoy that.
Go for it. Fixing her blog isn’t the new hanging her shelves (or his drapes, or etc. outmoded, overly-gendered domestic help), but what else are you gonna do from a few thousand miles away to show you can give some love to get some love, too?
25. If I Write Terrible Poetry?
You are probably really rotten at writing poems. If children are being left behind in general education subjects, they’re being knocked out with sacks of doorknobs and left in junkyard tire-piles when it comes to poetry. But somewhere, deep down, the desire to use poetry for its intended purpose still stirs in even the most talentless amongst us. Its intended purpose is flirting.
Because we all share this basic understanding, don’t naively go giving poems away to gentlemen and ladies you don’t want to kiss. They will think you want to kiss them very much indeed. Unless some independent source (for example, your publisher) thinks you’re a poet, you’re also better off not giving someone a legitimate poem as an attempt at flirting. You might be happy with what you write, but when the object of your affection reads it, it will sound like this:
Then I saw you in the sun
You are like a puppy dog (in particular, its tail)
Some other animals I can list
are rabbit, non-specific bird, and whale
This is probably not the desired effect, unless you’re flirting with someone who’s really goofy or places a high value on sincerity. On the other hand, creative use of language is certainly not confined to poems. It’s charming and genuine if you manage to describe things in new ways in the course of a normal conversation, avoiding tired compliments and pickup lines. You can even do this in that least poetic of communication options, the instant message. If things go wrong, and you get LOLed at, just say “hey j/k” and be yourself. You’ll be fine.
24. If I Make You A Mix Tape?
“Um, sorry it’s been so long. I got really really really buried and life is crazy right now. Crazy like, when did all my friends lose their jobs? That’s when you’re all supposed to be there for each other, right?”
And we all stay up all night chatting, and refreshing and refreshing and refreshing and you know how your eyes just won’t stop until your body stops? You’re not even reading anymore. You’re spinning out. You need to rest.
So I made you this mix tape instead. Because I know it’s not just me right now.
(You can login here with username amiflirting@gmail.com / pass yesyesyes and make us a mix to fall asleep to. And if you’re the one to upload the 8th track, then you’re the reason why we can share it.)
And no, it isn’t always flirting. Most of the time it’s just being sweet, with no obligation except to listen.
