25. If I Write Terrible Poetry?
You are probably really rotten at writing poems. If children are being left behind in general education subjects, they’re being knocked out with sacks of doorknobs and left in junkyard tire-piles when it comes to poetry. But somewhere, deep down, the desire to use poetry for its intended purpose still stirs in even the most talentless amongst us. Its intended purpose is flirting.
Because we all share this basic understanding, don’t naively go giving poems away to gentlemen and ladies you don’t want to kiss. They will think you want to kiss them very much indeed. Unless some independent source (for example, your publisher) thinks you’re a poet, you’re also better off not giving someone a legitimate poem as an attempt at flirting. You might be happy with what you write, but when the object of your affection reads it, it will sound like this:
Then I saw you in the sun
You are like a puppy dog (in particular, its tail)
Some other animals I can list
are rabbit, non-specific bird, and whale
This is probably not the desired effect, unless you’re flirting with someone who’s really goofy or places a high value on sincerity. On the other hand, creative use of language is certainly not confined to poems. It’s charming and genuine if you manage to describe things in new ways in the course of a normal conversation, avoiding tired compliments and pickup lines. You can even do this in that least poetic of communication options, the instant message. If things go wrong, and you get LOLed at, just say “hey j/k” and be yourself. You’ll be fine.
